How NOT to stop overthinking
What DOESN’T work when your mind is racing & why
My mind has always been a stormy one, dear human. And it has taken me years to learn how to soothe it.
During those years, I might have googled ‘‘how do I stop overthinking’’ once or twice (okay, it was probably more something like ‘‘please tell me how to stop overthinking and worrying about everything all the time!?!!?!?’’), and each time, without fail, felt so disappointed by the lack of actual, feasible, workable tips that popped up.
So here’s what I have to say to all that shallow advice that ranks SO high on our favorite search engine.
Mostly to let you know: It’s not you. There is nothing wrong with you if these tips aren’t working for you. And this is why.
#1 Let go of the past
Ugh, I can go on for days about this one …
When you’ve crossed the line between thinking and overthinking ‘‘just’’ letting go isn’t an option – ‘‘just’’ doing anything is not really an option anymore. Plus, whenever you really want to let go of something, the opposite tends to happen; the resistance makes you actually hold on even tighter.
By the way, ‘‘letting go’’ (even without a restless mind) isn’t really something we as humans can do. It is not up to us to let stuff go, it is up to us to let it in, so it can let us go whenever we have held, seen and acknowledged it enough.
#2 Look at the big(ger) picture
Our minds love themselves some good old all-or-nothing thinking whenever we’re in a stressful situation. And the perfect catalyst when you’re knee-deep in an overthinking spiral? Zooming out.
With all-or-nothing thinking our brains try to create safety in knowing that ‘‘you/they/it will never/always …’’. Of course, this leaves no room for a different tomorrow – and that has never made anyone feel any better or more at peace.
#3 Schedule worry-time
There’s the one we all know and … hate. For the real overthinking experts among us, this does NOTHING.
Cool, in these 30 minutes I’m allowed to worry.
G R E A T
Scheduled or not, with or without permission, the worrying WILL happen.
The problem isn’t that we just always ‘‘allow’’ our thoughts to go around in circles and never stop. We simply do not have any control over our minds.
But the idea that you should have this power, doesn’t just make you feel like a failure, it also makes you forget about the control you actually DO have: your response to what’s happening in your noggin.
#4 Positive reframing
Your thoughts are not reflections of you or your authentic self, they are reflections of your past experiences – and you can’t change the past.
You CAN decide to not believe them, to just let your brain blabber on and focus on something else. Because, and this is important, trying to make your mind believe something it’s not ready to, NEVER works.
#5 Don’t think of what can go wrong, think of what can go right
We’ve already established that we have NO control over our thoughts. We don’t consciously choose to press play on all those worst-case scenarios.
So, a hard ‘‘no’’ to the first part of this tip. The second part is a different story.
The worst-case scenario has already been established, so you might as well imagine the best-case scenario, too. There is only one rule: Make it just as extreme and dramatic as the worst.
Why, how, and what next? Check out this post.
#6 Practice self-compassion
Gotcha! Of course I would never tell you to not do this. BUT it is important to know what self-compassion really is. If you don’t, you might make things worse.
Self-compassion is not just another word for self-kindness. It has nothing to do with talking to yourself in a way that makes you want to puke your brains out (but hey, if you do, overthinking won’t be a problem anymore).
Practicing self-compassion is choosing to meet this moment fully, to meet it as a friend.
You stop overthinking by reclaiming your power
There is a lot of power in deciding to stop making a hard moment even harder and to start consciously moving the spotlight of your attention.
And there are many ways to do this. Just check my archive - there’s definitely something in there that works for you!
PS. Yes, these were all real tips from websites coming up on the first page of Google when you search ‘‘How to stop overthinking’’.
I did not make this up, I only wish I did (with some of them).