How to become your favorite self

Instead of striving to be your best self.

You’ve probably tried to be your best self at one point in your life, your true self most likely too, and maybe even your highest self. And chances are, it felt pretty good for quite a while. Until, once again, this also turned into an endless striving.

I know, I’ve been there too. 🙃

That’s why I’ve created Your Favorite Self – because your favorite self embodies the essence of your best, truest and highest self, WITHOUT the possibility of failing and WITH the freedom to change whatever it looks like and means to you today (just like your favorite food or song changes, your favorite self can change over time too).

The idea of my favorite self feels so much lighter and brighter than the idea of my best self. ‘‘Best’’, just like good and bad, right and wrong, is subjective. What is good is something we’re taught, not something that originates from within us.

My favorite self feels like something that’s just for me, a version of me that above all else makes ME happy, helps me to create a more easeful and joyful life, a life I actually like.

It’s also a version of me that’s really forgiving, and simply happy whenever I manage to make one tiny shift that helps me get 0,1% closer to her. And I’m quite certain, shifting my focus to be(com)ing my favorite self, by definition means I’m being my best, highest and truest self too.

So, then, how do you be(come) your favorite self?

Well, it would be a bit much if I tried to explain this in just this one piece of writing (I mean, there’s a reason why I’ve created a whole publication 😉), but today, let me just tell you what the two most important ingredients are for becoming your favorite self.

Practicing self-compassion and self-trust – which both are a doing and choosing, not a feeling or experience, like self-esteem, self-worth or self-love. You don’t have to love (or even like) yourself in order to take steps to practice self-compassion and self-trust. And they are in no way dependent on any outside forces, like outcomes or accomplishments.

Self-compassion asks:

• What if there is nothing wrong with me?

• If I knew for sure this is not a problem, what would I do now?

Self-compassion says:

‘‘It is what it is, dear human. This already is, so, now what? Figure out what can you do to support yourself, while being (brutally) honest about your reality, without judging yourself for your situation or your needs.’’

Self-trust asks:

• How would I approach/think of/look at/feel about this and/or what would I do, if I were to trust myself fully?

• Which option/choice/action would make it the easiest for me to trust myself moving forward?

Self-trust says:

‘‘The way you want your future self to be there for you? Be THAT to your past/current self. Meet your own needs, don’t shame or blame yourself for them and show yourself you can count on you.’’

Both practices in their core are about:

• non-judgement (which also means you can (re)start any minute of any day, without first having to feel bad about not having done it);

• honest communication with yourself and

• a deep commitment to your own wellbeing.

And they pave the way for self-connection and self-empowerment – two experiences essential for becoming your favorite self.

Why does this work?

With these tiny shifts you’ll be making each time you choose to practice self-compassion and/or self-trust, you:

• show yourself you are ready, willing and able to accept yourself without judgement, which helps to create a safe space for you to uncover all these beautiful, interesting and worthy hidden aspects of yourself;

• focus on what you CAN control and take actions accordingly, which helps you to create a more easeful and joyful life, without your circumstances having to change;

• learn to truly trust your future self to be there for you and catch you when you fall, which makes leaping into the unknown less scary and life more fun.

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Most of my pieces of writing here on Substack are meant to serve as a loving lighthouse, gently bringing you the tiny shifts you can implement to cultivate more self-compassion and self-trust, so you can take feasible steps towards a lighter life.

If after reading this you want to chat a little about YOUR favorite self, please leave a comment & let’s connect!

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Let's get some of this pressure off of ourselves.

This whole self-help personal development stuff is fun until it's really not. Until you can always be better, calmer, more productive, more mindful, more yourself etc.

You don't need to be more of anything. You have the option to move the spotlight of your attention away from how you're not enough yet and focus it on how you are the way you are right now, and how you can be there for yourself in whatever you are or want to be experiencing.

This is an invitation to learn to lean on yourself, and open yourself up to the fact that there's always an opportunity to make this moment, and this one, and this one, just a little lighter. 💛